Dear democratic party, PLEASE help me refrain from saying ‘democrat party’

Is anyone else experiencing both deep survivor relief & amazing hopeful celebration, with the election of the 1st american woman of asian & jamaican-ancestry (and her running mate, Empathic-Joe, who’s bringing normalcy, decency & empathy back to the people’s house)?

Congratulations America. Congratulations Team-Humanity.

Q: Have you ever had a wound on a sensitive part of your body that was hard to heal because it kept getting reopened?

Have you ever had a deep reopened wound, and then been told to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about the people that wounded you? Sound challenging? Sound activating? Sound painful? Sound privileged?

At a recent ‘Moving America Forward: Empathic Communication & Racial Healing’ webinar, I was asked what it’s like to be an american of african-ancestry (whose shade of brown is not as light as some). I paused (thinking of my background as a fraternity guy & baseball player), and I said, ‘Being an american of african-ancestry (whose shade of brown is not as light as some), is like perpetual-hazing and being a Red Sox fan at a Yankees game (you’re outnumbered, you’re a visitor on someone else’s home field, you live in hell-week & there’s no initiation ‘pot of gold’ at the end of the pain-bow’

Can you imagine if the Yankees won the 1st three games of a four game series at Yankees Stadium, and when the Red Sox pulled out game 4, Red Sox fans were asked to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about what Yankees fans were going through?

Can you imagine being a pledge in a fraternity (during hell-week), and on the last day, Punxsutawney Phil (the famous Pennsylvania groundhog) shows up, winks & is like, ‘sorry dude’ (& puts hell-week on REPEAT for the rest of your life)?

I’m guessing for some of you the reaction to the Q’s would be, ‘democrat party’! (for those of you that don’t know, ‘democrat party’ is conservative code for FU? The noun becomes the adjective, and ‘oh it’s a slip of the tongue’ is the built in deniability). Anyways, I’m guessing for some of you, the response to those situations would be, ‘democrat party’ (FU).

…with that in mind, a friend who has ethnic & gender group-privilege (aka pale male privilege), and knows I’m a trauma-informed empathy-coach, said to me, ‘isn’t it time to connect with those who voted for 45?’ In other words my friend (who is a member of a group that tortured, sexually assaulted & child-trafficked enslaved people), is asking me (someone who inherited those exact unhealed intergenerational wounds), to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about the knife (vs the cut).

My 1st thought was, ‘democrat party’ (FU)! My 2nd thought was: For the democratic party to move forward, it needs to tend to the cuts, mend the cuts, make sure the cuts are healed…then we can empathize with why the ‘knife’ is being used to cut vs create (harm vs help)! I have kitchen knives that are very helpful & creative, so it’s not so much the knife as it is the way the knife is being wielded (& that part of the trauma-informed empathic conversation, I’m on-board with…but DON’T ask me to bleed & good-deed, democratic party. Because to that I will say, ‘democrat party’)

…quick tangent (while we’re double entendre-ing ‘democratic party’): Liberals (dems now) ended enslavement. Conservatives (GOP now) began the Klan. So when you hear that republicans ended enslavement, remember that conservatives (GOP now) fought for enslavers, and liberals (dems now) fought against the Klan (but nice bait & switch, GOP. The whole Lincoln thing is ruthlessly genius)

So here’s what I’m thinking (as a trauma-informed empathy-coach, specializing in ‘nonviolence for communication’). Since ‘intention doesn’t delete IMPACT…intention gives people a moment of GRACE to heal impact’, before we head on down to Georgia and get Reverend Warnock & Jon Ossoff elected to the US Senate, let’s have a transformative moment. Because David & Kelly (anyone else hear Charlie Daniels? Rev? Jonny? Let’s exorcise some ‘demons’)…where was I? Oh yah, because David & Kelly (not to be confused with David E. Kelley), are using mirror-empathy (where you connect with some people by diminishing other people). But mindful-empathy (the use of intersectional inclusive connection), is much more powerful (if we leave our PreFro/NeYo liberal brains for a quick sec, and transport to the Limbo & the Repto).

It’s time to trade in the unempathic, trauma-uninformed energy (hi CNN & MSNBC), for some transformative trauma-informed empathy (hi Echo Parenting & ‘Your Resonant Self‘)

And by transformative I mean a quick download to our empathy app, and a fast update to our beliefs, language & mindset features (BLM). For example, since the law of attraction (LoA) says that whatever we are against, we attract, the WHAT WE ARE FOR version of ‘anti-racist’ is ‘team-humanist’ (just FY-LoA-i). So drop by an ‘Empathic Communication & Racial Healing‘ Zoom when you’re ready to update your empathy app, team-humanity, because I BELIEVE (that we will win…jk), because I believe we can ‘Move America Forward’ (after tending, mending & healing), together!

‘Together We Rise, Together We Fly’ ~Tony Scruggs (The Empathy Guy)

PS S/O to Marianne Williamson (who taught us how to ‘Heal The Soul Of America‘, and wrote the cover quote for my empathy book.)

Do Journalists Need To Be Journo-Refs?!?

Over the last few years the number of cable news shows that I watch has dwindled from whatever show was on a certain cable news network when I flipped the TV on, to a very select few (Including Joy, Brian, Nicolle, Ari, Rachel, Chris, and whatever is on Fox when I want to practice EMPATHY)

Since I’m someone who coaches people in three-demisional empathy (language, action & the need we all have to be seen, heard & understood), I decided to self-empathize and see if I could tap into the reason why. (What was I not getting from the shows I wasn’t watching anymore, and what were the painful emotions about?)

At 1st I wasn’t sure. Then I did something that’s really been helpful & effective for me. I changed the lens I was looking through (while keeping my eye on the Q I was asking). Having played sports most of my life, I tried a sports lens, and thankfully the understanding found me.

What was the issue? Well, I was watching a guest on one of the shows being interviewed with the same journalistic integrity, respect & dignity that you might imagine from a Tom Brokaw or a Gwen Ifill or a Walter Conkrite. The thing was when this guest started to ‘jump offsides’ (Ukraine, Crowdstrike, Biden), and ‘step out of bounds’ (BS’ng, gaslighting, alternative facts), there didn’t seem to be a referee (or an umpire) anywhere in sight to blow a whistle, throw a flag, or stop the game.

When the next guest came on (self-officiating, and honoring time old traditions), the impact of the previous interview seemed to harden the journalist to a point where NOW they were calling out tiny things like untucked jerseys & unbuckled straps. The contrast was extraordinary, and as an american of african-ancestry (who’s seen his pale-male friends get an ‘uppity’ & ‘hysterical’ pass, while he gets painted with those labels based on other people’s behaviors), it seemed very familiar.

Then I noticed (like with ‘Times Up’ & ‘Take A Knee’), the rules have changed, the game has changed & maybe (with some empathic help) journalists can change too. Btw (from a spiritual POV), empathy hasn’t changed, and PiMPing (pale male privilege) has always been a penalty🏳️‍🌈

So here’s what came to mind (LMK your thoughts): In old school journalism, journalistic neutrality equaled journalistic responsibility. But in today’s era of toxic BS, gaslighting & alternative facts, journalistic neutrality equals journalistic ir-responsibility (and complicity, and culpability…feel me?). Why? Because ‘bad faith’ kicks good faith’s ass, in a neutral space (as bad faith is willing to cross lines & boundaries, that GOOD FAITH isn’t willing to do…and that’s when journalists need to blow a whistle, throw a flag & stop the game🏈(See ya working, @JoyAnnReid & @NicolleDWallace)

Today’s journalists, need to be badass referees (the days of dainty neutrality are gone, and if the ‘rules of law’ are important, then stepping up our game with the changing rules of journalism, seems right in line, yes?). And please Journo-Refs, when someone uses the expletive (swear, curse, profanity, obscenity), ‘democrat party‘ (& trust me, when the noun is used as an adjective, it’s a toxic insult…like ‘bless your heart’ said in a certain kind of way), please blow a whistle, throw a flag & stop the game!

‘We say democratic on this show’

This video doesn’t exist

(& on a side note, head words are no match for gut words. ‘disgusting’ & ‘disgraceful’ kick ‘inappropriate’ & ‘shoulds’ ass all day. But heart words (like FREEDOM, PROTECTION, SAFETY…said from a loving, abundant place), can stand up to fear & scarcity 24/7/31/12)

…in fact did you know that communication is 55% physiology, 38% tonality & 7% verbally? Which means ‘big lies’ told with big tonality & big physiology, can sucker-punch any ‘little truth-lie’ that is told without conviction. #BigTruth (aka verbal-empathy) on the other hand, is power-with/protective force, and sees the beauty in ‘big lies’ while rocking them like a ninja hurricane (anyone else a ‘Scorpions’ fan?)

Oh, one more thing Journo-Refs! In the spirit of @JakeTapper‘s #AllThePresidentsLies (Btw, 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct on that unnecessary President Obama dig at the beginning). In the spirit of ‘All The Presidents Lies’ (see how repetition works?), when we repeat BS we reinforce BS. And when we reinforce BS it starts to smell less. So three things please:

(1) When you repeat his words in your regular voice, it transfers our feelings towards you onto his words. Say them in a tone that expresses their impact on the world.

(2) When you repeat his gaslighting-terms the way he says them, saying ‘why they are BS’ has little effect. Leave out a word or paraphrase/change the word order, as a way to ‘scratch the record’ and interrupt the pattern. [eg ‘he says it wasn’t an ugly phone call’ or ‘he says it wasn’t YES collusion, YES corruption’…see what I mean?]

(3) When you forget that this is Hatfield’s & McCoy’s, when you laugh at his demolition of democracy like you don’t remember ‘Tug Fork’, and when you let your inner Randall McCoy let this Hatfield ‘jump offsides’ & ‘step out of bounds’, it’s like you’re cool with him having punched your grandmother in the face [graphic enough?]

Speech can be violent, and violent speech is not protected speech (2nd amendment exceptions: obscenity, fighting words, etc). So blow a whistle, throw a flag & stop this game of ‘Toxic Bully Pulpit’ (we’re depending on you)

‘Obedience isn’t loyalty, force isn’t strength & sucker-punching isn’t counterpunching’ ~SiMBa

So why do I only watch certain shows now? Because I’ve worked way too hard (to be kind, happy & empathic), to waste any amount of energy being ‘pissed off’ all the time (ya know?)

‘It’s better to trust (& be disappointed once in awhile), than it is to distrust (& be miserable all of the time)’ ~Lincoln

Happy Thanksgiving weekend (& National Weekend of Mourning), team-humanity

“Together We Rise, Together We Fly” ~Tony Scruggs (‘The Empathy Guy’)

(Empathic Warrior Training)🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Todd Borandi is the author of a NEW offering titled ‘Awakening Self‘. He is a spiritual being experiencing life as an ‘Awakener’ (in relation to being a teacher) and his offering to the world ‘Awakening Self‘ is an exploration into empowering you to inquire from within.
Todd offers you a road map of Q’s and options in an effort to not only raise your individual consciousness, but as a result raise the collective consciousness of team-humanity🙏
Todd shares his ‘Awakening Self‘ philosophy along with three awesome takeaways that you can use today to quiet your mind, focus on your breathing and be the observer to your thinker (ie you get to remember who you really are and release attachment to distractions & labels).
The conversation took an interesting twist at the end but I’ll let you discover that on your own journey to self-awareness😎You can connect with Todd on Facebook and YouTube. You can also find his work here ➡ Todd’s website

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