Is anyone else experiencing both deep survivor relief & amazing hopeful celebration, with the election of the 1st american woman of asian & jamaican-ancestry (and her running mate, Empathic-Joe, who’s bringing normalcy, decency & empathy back to the people’s house)?
Congratulations America. Congratulations Team-Humanity.
Q: Have you ever had a wound on a sensitive part of your body that was hard to heal because it kept getting reopened?
Have you ever had a deep reopened wound, and then been told to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about the people that wounded you? Sound challenging? Sound activating? Sound painful? Sound privileged?
At a recent ‘Moving America Forward: Empathic Communication & Racial Healing’ webinar, I was asked what it’s like to be an american of african-ancestry (whose shade of brown is not as light as some). I paused (thinking of my background as a fraternity guy & baseball player), and I said, ‘Being an american of african-ancestry (whose shade of brown is not as light as some), is like perpetual-hazing and being a Red Sox fan at a Yankees game (you’re outnumbered, you’re a visitor on someone else’s home field, you live in hell-week & there’s no initiation ‘pot of gold’ at the end of the pain-bow’
Can you imagine if the Yankees won the 1st three games of a four game series at Yankees Stadium, and when the Red Sox pulled out game 4, Red Sox fans were asked to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about what Yankees fans were going through?
Can you imagine being a pledge in a fraternity (during hell-week), and on the last day, Punxsutawney Phil (the famous Pennsylvania groundhog) shows up, winks & is like, ‘sorry dude’ (& puts hell-week on REPEAT for the rest of your life)?
I’m guessing for some of you the reaction to the Q’s would be, ‘democrat party’! (for those of you that don’t know, ‘democrat party’ is conservative code for FU? The noun becomes the adjective, and ‘oh it’s a slip of the tongue’ is the built in deniability). Anyways, I’m guessing for some of you, the response to those situations would be, ‘democrat party’ (FU).
…with that in mind, a friend who has ethnic & gender group-privilege (aka pale male privilege), and knows I’m a trauma-informed empathy-coach, said to me, ‘isn’t it time to connect with those who voted for 45?’ In other words my friend (who is a member of a group that tortured, sexually assaulted & child-trafficked enslaved people), is asking me (someone who inherited those exact unhealed intergenerational wounds), to think deeply (& thoughtfully) about the knife (vs the cut).
My 1st thought was, ‘democrat party’ (FU)! My 2nd thought was: For the democratic party to move forward, it needs to tend to the cuts, mend the cuts, make sure the cuts are healed…then we can empathize with why the ‘knife’ is being used to cut vs create (harm vs help)! I have kitchen knives that are very helpful & creative, so it’s not so much the knife as it is the way the knife is being wielded (& that part of the trauma-informed empathic conversation, I’m on-board with…but DON’T ask me to bleed & good-deed, democratic party. Because to that I will say, ‘democrat party’)
…quick tangent (while we’re double entendre-ing ‘democratic party’): Liberals (dems now) ended enslavement. Conservatives (GOP now) began the Klan. So when you hear that republicans ended enslavement, remember that conservatives (GOP now) fought for enslavers, and liberals (dems now) fought against the Klan (but nice bait & switch, GOP. The whole Lincoln thing is ruthlessly genius)
So here’s what I’m thinking (as a trauma-informed empathy-coach, specializing in ‘nonviolence for communication’). Since ‘intention doesn’t delete IMPACT…intention gives people a moment of GRACE to heal impact’, before we head on down to Georgia and get Reverend Warnock & Jon Ossoff elected to the US Senate, let’s have a transformative moment. Because David & Kelly (anyone else hear Charlie Daniels? Rev? Jonny? Let’s exorcise some ‘demons’)…where was I? Oh yah, because David & Kelly (not to be confused with David E. Kelley), are using mirror-empathy (where you connect with some people by diminishing other people). But mindful-empathy (the use of intersectional inclusive connection), is much more powerful (if we leave our PreFro/NeYo liberal brains for a quick sec, and transport to the Limbo & the Repto).
It’s time to trade in the unempathic, trauma-uninformed energy (hi CNN & MSNBC), for some transformative trauma-informed empathy (hi Echo Parenting & ‘Your Resonant Self‘)
And by transformative I mean a quick download to our empathy app, and a fast update to our beliefs, language & mindset features (BLM). For example, since the law of attraction (LoA) says that whatever we are against, we attract, the WHAT WE ARE FOR version of ‘anti-racist’ is ‘team-humanist’ (just FY-LoA-i). So drop by an ‘Empathic Communication & Racial Healing‘ Zoom when you’re ready to update your empathy app, team-humanity, because I BELIEVE (that we will win…jk), because I believe we can ‘Move America Forward’ (after tending, mending & healing), together!
‘Together We Rise, Together We Fly’ ~Tony Scruggs (The Empathy Guy)
PS S/O to Marianne Williamson (who taught us how to ‘Heal The Soul Of America‘, and wrote the cover quote for my empathy book.)